At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
