It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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