then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
