if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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