What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
