I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i love accidental penises.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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