I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
