he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
