i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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