it hurts more in the daytime
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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