You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize