I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
