If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
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