bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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