my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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