This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
