so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
