and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
