I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Even my vagina gasped.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
sick fucks of a feather flock together
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
