id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
