the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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