I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize