Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
