We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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