Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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