I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
