nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
