are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
