I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
