So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
