There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
