They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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