It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Can I color on your dick again?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
