i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
