this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
