ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
