Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
