I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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