She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
