thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
