Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
