I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
