My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
