so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
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