i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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