She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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