It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
