I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
