God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
