areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
