I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
