3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
