3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We are all done wearing pants today
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
