Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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