operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
