Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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