I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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