Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
porn star boner night. come get it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
