Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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