did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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