I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
