I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm going to jail i love you
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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