Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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