i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
