I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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